Deer Are Kicking My Ass and Eating My Tomatoes

by Frank Roche on July 9, 2008

The first thing I do when I get home from work is to check on my tomatoes. I planted 5 heirloom tomato plants, the oldest one an 1863 Amish variety. And we were just getting a few little tomatoes going. Each day they were getting bigger. Until last night, apparently.

When I got home today Sheryl walked outside as I was heading to admire the day’s growth. “I think something got to your tomatoes last night.” You bet your sweet bippy they did. All the new little green tomatoes were gone, along with a few branches from the plants. And the chewing was up high. Deer.

I swear, this has been a year for wild animals. We’re going through a second round of squirrels in the attic. Rabbits are chewing our daylilies to the ground. And bucks have rubbed a few of our tress raw and even killed one of our 3-year-old maples. And now they’re eating my tomatoes. Enough is enough.

I was thinking that if I try to chase them away I’m going to end up like the guy in the video. So I did the only safe thing and coated my precious plants in Liquid Fence. The deer will stay away, but so will everyone else. Ever smell Liquid Fence? It smells like something died in the bottle. Oh, and then mix in some wolf urine to add some top notes.

I add deer to obligations and gravity as things that are not my friends.

{ 17 comments }

rick July 10, 2008 at 4:44 pm

I was going to say that I would trade your deer for the family of Racoons that lives in the tree in our back yard… and then I watched the video. I have had some stare downs with mom racoon while her babies were behind her (I chose to go back in the house).

At least I was not stomped on.

rick July 10, 2008 at 12:44 pm

I was going to say that I would trade your deer for the family of Racoons that lives in the tree in our back yard… and then I watched the video. I have had some stare downs with mom racoon while her babies were behind her (I chose to go back in the house).

At least I was not stomped on.

Frank July 10, 2008 at 8:01 pm

Ugh…racoons. We don’t have them…yet. I’m freaked about the deer, though. Made it through one night with tomato plants intact…and smelling like Liquid Fence (aka, wolf piss).

Frank July 10, 2008 at 4:01 pm

Ugh…racoons. We don’t have them…yet. I’m freaked about the deer, though. Made it through one night with tomato plants intact…and smelling like Liquid Fence (aka, wolf piss).

JT July 11, 2008 at 3:51 pm
JT July 11, 2008 at 11:51 am
Frank July 11, 2008 at 6:31 pm

JT, I’m afraid I’m turning into a bad version of Caddyshack. LOL. I’m in Caddyshack mixed with Groundhog Day…I’m in a Bill Murray timewarp!

Frank July 11, 2008 at 2:31 pm

JT, I’m afraid I’m turning into a bad version of Caddyshack. LOL. I’m in Caddyshack mixed with Groundhog Day…I’m in a Bill Murray timewarp!

Pinky Bear July 15, 2008 at 4:32 pm

Liquid fence? Sounds charming! That is sad Frank. Do you have room for a green house on your property?

Our herb garden was recently ruined by construction workers doing renovations to our building.

Pinky Bear July 15, 2008 at 12:32 pm

Liquid fence? Sounds charming! That is sad Frank. Do you have room for a green house on your property?

Our herb garden was recently ruined by construction workers doing renovations to our building.

Frank July 16, 2008 at 3:14 pm

Pinky Bear…that just hurts. I hate it when you go to the trouble of making an herb garden and others don’t care for it. Ugh.

Hmmm…a greenhouse…yes, I would LOVE to have one, and we have the space. I should start looking. And that way, I can grow my own food.

Frank July 16, 2008 at 11:14 am

Pinky Bear…that just hurts. I hate it when you go to the trouble of making an herb garden and others don’t care for it. Ugh.

Hmmm…a greenhouse…yes, I would LOVE to have one, and we have the space. I should start looking. And that way, I can grow my own food.

albert July 28, 2008 at 8:08 pm

a squirrel just ate some of our tomatoes last night. i looked outside at the nicely ripening red tomato around 5p. i looked out again around 8p and gone! along with two little greens which were chewed up. need to get me a fox.

albert July 28, 2008 at 4:08 pm

a squirrel just ate some of our tomatoes last night. i looked outside at the nicely ripening red tomato around 5p. i looked out again around 8p and gone! along with two little greens which were chewed up. need to get me a fox.

Upside Down Tomatoes May 6, 2009 at 2:04 pm

lol that sounds pretty funny. I live in Florida near the ocean so no real animal problems with my tomatoes. Hope you figure out how to fend them off.

Mrs Mary July 1, 2009 at 10:48 am

Boy you are spot on with the comment “I swear, this has been a year for wild animals’ …So far I have had a beaver ( from the small branch in my back yard) dragging his low riding self around my yard like God died and left him in charge….a skunk circle the edge of my yard threatening his disgusting stench at any moment…..even encountered a family of baby raccoons scampering from under my truck one morning as I left for work ..then there was the wild kitty cats (2) that held me a bay on my front porch one day….I swear this is true..Now the deer refuse to let me have anything of worth green in my yard..Something unidentified as yet shredded the entire top of my heavy plastic garbage container to get to garbage after I bungee strapped it shut..And…I am in the city….I’m done…they have won !!!!

Mrs Mary July 1, 2009 at 6:48 am

Boy you are spot on with the comment “I swear, this has been a year for wild animals' …So far I have had a beaver ( from the small branch in my back yard) dragging his low riding self around my yard like God died and left him in charge….a skunk circle the edge of my yard threatening his disgusting stench at any moment…..even encountered a family of baby raccoons scampering from under my truck one morning as I left for work ..then there was the wild kitty cats (2) that held me a bay on my front porch one day….I swear this is true..Now the deer refuse to let me have anything of worth green in my yard..Something unidentified as yet shredded the entire top of my heavy plastic garbage container to get to garbage after I bungee strapped it shut..And…I am in the city….I'm done…they have won !!!!

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