I grew up in the Let’s Get Small era. I knew every word and every gesture that Steve Martin did. My friends and I would act out King Tut randomly throughout the day. In 1978, I parked by the Union Stock Yards along with thousands of crazy Steve Martin fans and saw Steve Goodman open for him in a sold-out International Amphitheater.
And to this day I still sing, “Be obsequious, purple, and clairvoyant” when it suits the occasion. (Believe me, I wedge those words in somehow.) So I smiled this morning when by chance I heard Grandmother’s Song. I knew every word. Strange how that works that I can remember something so vividly from 35 years ago. But I still forget the milk.
I hear Frankie barking when I watch Snickers sniff and swirl at 10pm before she goes to bed.
Seems like Frankie’s in the dog house.
I’m sure his owners are having an awful time.
And so is Frankie.
Because last night I heard this:
SHUT UP, FRANKIE!
Note to everyone: All puppies are cute. But realize that they grow up. They take work. And for the most part, you don’t really want to do it. Leave the puppy at the pet store.
And if you’re gonna shout, “SHUT UP, FRANKIE!” say it to my face.
Even though there’s at least one person who wished that I would go kaboom during my colonoscopy, I didn’t.
In fact, all’s good.
As a follow up to my article yesterday, here’s another good read for those of you of a certain age who are preparing for your own procedure: When People Explode During Colonoscopies.
Here are some stats you can use to dazzle your friends during your next round of Trivial Pursuit:
Housed in your large intestine are hundreds of species of beneficial bacteria that help digest those bits of food your small intestine misses. In the process, these bacteria generate a variety of gases, including carbon dioxide, oxygen, nitrogen, hydrogen and methane, to name a few. Two of them — hydrogen and methane — also happen to be combustable. Given that the average person’s bacteria produce between 1 and 4 pints of gas per day, a five-foot stretch of colon can pack some formidable explosive potential.