- In the time it takes Chuck Norris to deliver a roundhouse kick, Jason Bourne can read and recall the entire Moscow city map, drive a Husquevarna up stairs, through a house, and elbow chop Chuck to death.
- If Chuck Norris reaches in and pulls out Jason Bourne’s heart, Jason twists Chuck’s arm into a pretzel, fashions sutures out of a paperclip, and makes Chuck sew his heart back in with a Mayo Clinic stich with his good arm while he elbow chops Chuck to death.
- Chuck Norris wears Jason Bourne pajamas to bed because he heard if you did that then Jason Bourne wouldn’t elbow chop you to death.
- If Jason Bourne and Chuck Norris were having hand-to-hand combat in a Lada while racing down the streets of Prague, Jason could not only double-shift hundreds of times, avoid being t-boned at intersections, and drive better than the car chase in the French Connection, but he would elbow chop Chuck Norris to death.
- Jason Bourne issued an ultimatum to Chuck Norris: Use your tears to *really* cure cancer or I’ll come to Texas and elbow chop you to death.
- How does Jason Bourne tenderize his Chuck roast? He elbow chops it to death.
- Chuck Norris might know the exact location of Carmen San Diego, but Jason Bourne knows the exact location of Chuck Norris, information he will use to elbow chop him to death when he so chooses.
- When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn’t walk around people. He walks through them. That’s because Jason Bourne has cleared a path for him by elbow chopping to death anyone who gets in his way.
- Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won. But to his disappointment, Jason Bourne then elbow chopped him to death.
- Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy. Jason Bourne then got justice by elbow chopping Chuck Norris to death.
10 Ways That Jason Bourne Kicks Chuck Norris’s Ass
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