My Waste of a Life, According to a Guy Who I Didn’t Even Know but Thought It Was Okay to Tell Me on My Deck One Sunny Afternoon

matt_sheryl

When’s the last time someone came to your house, drank your beer, ate your snacks, and told you that your life was a waste?

Matt’s senior prom was this past Friday. He had a bunch of his friends over to take pictures in our back yard. And a few minutes before all of them were to arrive, Sheryl let me know that a bunch of their parents would be coming along, too. (You can imagine how charmed I was about that.)

While the prom goers mingled on our lower patio, their parents chatted up each other on our deck. Seemed pretty simple. It was a beautiful day, the weather was perfect, and we were heading into the golden hour. Instead, one of the kid’s dads gave me a golden shower.

As with all suburban parties in 2009, the talk turned to the economy. How bad the stock market is. Who’s to blame. One dad, who I didn’t know from Adam’s Off Ox, was really bent about it. He said the financial community were all criminals. That they wrecked everything. I tried to change the subject, because you can’t swing a stick in our neighborhood without hitting someone who’s in financial services. The conversation was getting a little…tense. So, I stepped in when he started talking about employee stock options.

Me: It’s funny, I spent a good chunk of my career doing global stock option implementations. Now, with what’s happening in the economy, I’m spending a lot of time getting them back from employees.

Him: See, you wasted your life. You haven’t done one thing to add value to the economy or society. That’s exactly the kind of thing I’m talking about.

Me: Um…(glad I’m not 25 anymore, so thoughts of pushing him over the railing quickly subsided)…I have this house…I own these chairs…paid for these drinks… I poured what was left of my beer over the railing. A good friend of mine stared at me and was on the verge of laughing out loud.

Me (again): Well, this conversation is over. And this party’s over.

Those of you who know me know that I have a bad habit of doing this thing with my hands that I learned from Yul Brenner when he played Pharaoh in The Ten Commandments: I whisk people away when I’m mad. I did that. And the guy, along with his wife, got going.

To prove that I’m still a juvenile, I pointed out the back of his khakis to a friend of mine. Mr. You Wasted Your Life had been leaning against the railing of my deck for a while. The back of his pants were filthy. He used his butt to wipe a winter’s worth of grime from my deck railing.

I couldn’t stop laughing. The high school seniors were more mature than me. Then again, they have a whole life to waste ahead of them.

Posted on April 26, 2009
Filed Under Frank's World | Comments

Comments

  • Rich Mennenoh
    Just look at that photo, I think you've added plenty of value.

    Rich
  • The nerve! I would have done exactly the same thing. My asshole tolerance is very low. who needs to put up with that? In your own house? Forget it.
  • now that's just priceless
  • Unbelievable. I spent many years of my life ignoring rude people like that. I just can't do it anymore. Glad you let him know about it.
  • So this is what I missed never living the American dream, getting married and having kids in the suburbs. This was juicy Frank, thanks for posting. But I gotta ask, what kind of beer did you waste and DM me the dude's name. Slim chance I may know him.
  • Touché! Some people just don't know when the shut up. LOL. Glad you kicked him out.
  • Pax Romano
    Hey Brother, I always knew you were a loser, and that you have pretty much wasted your life and time...HA HA I AM KIDDING.

    I don't know what to say about people like that. Did he understand that you were the host of this party? And even if you were not, why was he so antagonistic? In other words, why did he have a stick up his ass?

    You did what I would have done ... don't diss me, especially on my home turf ... oh and anyone who wears khakis is not worth the bother.

    Please invite me to your next party - we can double team all of the morons.
  • Pax, my friend, you're invited. We could have double teamed him and it would have been fun. Crazy thing is I'm pretty sure the guy knew it was my house. Something had him going. Im happy with my restraint.
  • I've been meaning add my 2 cents on this one.

    I can relate to being irked by similar rude behavior, and I definitely admire your restraint. At the same time, I admire your willingness to push back just enough.
  • Great job Frank, I really like your writing style too.
  • Great job Frank, I really like your writing style too.
  • Mrs Mary
    Found your site while searching for answers to "deer problem" and so glad I did..Very interesting site,well done,enjoyed my visit here....I'm going to subscribe...kudos....
blog comments powered by Disqus